Sigh.
I just finished talking to Tabitha on the phone, our conversation was exactly 2 hours and 39 minutes long. Afterwards I just thought, "Man, you really can't know anyone for sure."
There are so many different sides and dimensions to a person, that it's impossible to truly know someone for who they are unless you both mutually agree to put everything on the table. I feel like that's how I am with Tabitha, but there are still some things I don't tell her.
Sometimes I just feel like all I ever do is scatter tiny puzzle pieces of myself here and there. Some in my sketch book, some in my diary, some here in my blog, some with the conversations I have with people, some with my stories - and I just want someone to pick up all these pieces of the puzzle and put them all together in a way where each piece would be carefully examined before they try to fit it in with the other piece.
Lately, all I ever want is to be alone. Is that bad? I hate going on facebook to see what people are doing, I don't want to know that their lives are going on without me. I don't even like sleeping anymore because I end up thinking too much. Before I made sure that I would always be with someone everyday of the winter break - now it's just, whatever.
Dear readers, I think I'm broken. There are only ever two reasons why I would have sudden bouts of lethargic-ness: 1) Whenever I'm in a relationship and it has taken a sour turn 2) Whenever my classes are dragging me down.
Neither has happened to me, and I don't know why I suddenly have an urge for someone to put together my puzzle. Maybe it's just time for classes to start again so my mind can start working again - or maybe I'm entering a new phase that I've yet to figure out.
Well, whatever this is, I hope it won't get in the way.
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Here are some of the out takes of 1.365
One of my favorite verses that constantly reminds me of the reality of our human relationships: "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy."