Archive for March 2010

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Birthday!

Yesterday (it's still yesterday to me because I'm writing this at 1:21 am march 22, but really, because I haven't gone to bed yet, it's still march 21 by my time.) was my birthday although it really didn't feel like my birthday. Usually I get this tingly feeling of excitement on my birthday. Not this year though. Perhaps it's because I'm aware of how old and unaccomplished I'm becoming ... After a certain age birthday's become a burden to celebrate.


Although part of the reason as to why I wasn't in a very celebratory mood on my birthday could be because I have an essay due on Monday, which I've been putting off. After a few essays, my motivation to start another paper lessens .... 

So I woke up on my birthday feeling all dreadful since I woke up late and should have woken up hours ago to write my essay. I then went to brunch with Annabelle and my dad. Which was fine. It wasn't painful since my mom wasn't there. Afterwards we went home and to my surprise, Manley, Amy and Mona were in my living room. I'm starting to feel guilty because last year I didn't feel like celebrating my birthday either and Amy planned a surprise party for me, this year it was Mona who planned it. Next year, just so I won't trouble anyone, I'll plan my own birthday lunch thing.

So they whisked me away to East Side Mario's where Duy and Leo were waiting. Then eventually Betty and Shlomi showed up. There was this whole confusion after lunch on what we should do next, in the end, Duy, Amy, Leo and I ended up walking back to my place and spent the afternoon playing Apples to Apples and watching G4. 

Then we cut the cake and ate pizza and sung happy birthday. There was more drama in between but I'd rather not mention it at the moment.

Let's see ... oh ok so this morning I skipped church to stay home and work on my essay, my mom was home so she came in my room to talk to me - actually, more like complain to me about how she doesn't like Leo since he didn't say goodbye to her last night before they left. Due to the drama that happened last night that I'd rather not mention, it was my fault they didn't say bye to my mom because I practically pushed Amy, Duy and Leo out of the house. So that was unfair of her to say that. But then she does this strange thing where she compares Leo to Vinay, my sisters better half at the moment. Which is like the most, ugh, annoying thing in the world because she spent a good amount of time complaining to me about Vinay. And now Vinay is this guy that everyone must live up too. Whatever, I like Vinay. He's cool. It's just annoying how hypocritical my mom is. 

I went to work then afterwards, and as usual, after work on Sundays I visit my grandparents with my dad. Usually, when I'm in the car with my dad I switch the station on the radio to whatever I want to listen too, but then today when I switched the station my dad went nuts. He starts off "I always let you listen to the station you want too blah blah but doesn't mean I like your type of music blah blah and I don't even consider that music that I would like, what are they doing? Chanting? (No dad, they're raping) Blah blah You're so inconsiderate for changing the station all the time, but this time I just have to say something and one more thing - !" 

And I knew this was coming.

He turns off the radio completely and then says "Who's that guy that was over last yesterday? What is he to you?"

To which I answer, "Whatever Vinay is to Annabelle." 

Then he goes off on how he saw me sitting on Leo's lap yesterday in my room since .. whatever. Anyway, then he goes, "You shouldn't go out with anyone while you're in school!" To which i say, in my head of course, because saying this out loud would be deadly, "BS! That's not what you told your other daughter!" 

My dad is insane. He then tells me that all this time he has this 'six sense' about people, that he can tell what a person is really like just by looking at them and he didn't get a good vibe about Leo and that he doesn't like his personality because he was rude for not greeting him (Umm, dad, you were missing in action 99% of the time). Then he says "What is he, Korean?" 

"No, he's not."

"Chinese? What, ok so let me guess, he was born here in 'Canada' right?" (My dad has this theory that all Canadian kids are corrupt)

"No dad, he moved here when he was in high school" 

"What do you mean he moved here when he was in high school? blah blah He doesn't act like a Chinese that grew up in China, so impolite, I don't like him, blah blah blah."

&*%*@#%&R!!!! I was so frustrated!!!! Like, he has all these insane theory and notions! Half of them don't even make sense. 1) He assumed that Leo was Korean .. meaning that he thinks Korean kids are all impolite and corrupt? Because that was where he was getting at 2) To this day I don't understand why he thinks all Canadian kids are corrupt, probably because they listen to 'chanting' music on the radio. 3) WHAT does being born in China have to do with being polite!!??? WTF, is he saying that Asia is capable of raising non-corrupt polite children than Canadians?!? 

Oh and this whole six sense about someone ... it's such a stupid way of judging someone. 

Of course, he said other things like all fathers would to their daughters, like that whole "I know what guys that age are after and they're only after one thing because when I use to be that age and I know! So don't sit on his lap anymore!" I mean, that's understandable, he's my dad after all. But all the other crap that he said really pissed me off. 

Weird thing was that he asked me how I first met Leo. He assumed I met Leo through Amy, which I don't understand why, but it's good he said that because now I know what he really thinks of my best friend: That she's a bad influence. Whatever dad. 

The reason I'm pissed is because he's basing this all during the 2 seconds he met Leo. Oh, and he's basing it on the fact that Leo smokes. I should make a list of all the saints in the church who smokes and give it to him, he won't be making unfair assumptions then. 

I told this all to Leo, to which he calmly replies, "All fathers have negative prejudices against the guy dating his daughter. I understand. Just need to improve next time :)"

Yeah, made me feel stupid for being pissed. But Leo's so calm and understanding, I should be more like that :/

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Writing Essays is FUN

Not. 


Lately I feel like I'm constantly in the process of essay writing, as soon as I finish one I'm starting another one immediately. This time around I played it smart and started everything early and finished early so I won't end up cramming everything into one night. Alsooo I've been taking advantage of the writing centre at Woodsworth. 

Woodsworth is a crappy college. I wish I was in University College or Victoria or something, there's nothing cool about Woodsworth. And they have crappy services too. The registrar is terrible at helping me out and the writing centre --- well, let's just say that they're only sometimes helpful. The last time I went the guy didn't seem to know what he was doing, he basically just edited the grammatical stuff in my essay and didn't say anything about the content. I mean, common, I'm SURE there has to be something wrong with the content of my essay, but no, not one word. Good thing I emailed my T.A. first to get his approval on my thesis.

So that's what I've been basically doing lately, reading, analyzing, emailing T.A./Proffs and booking appointments at the writing centre ... 

Anyway, my mom has gone a wee bit insane again. 
Basically, she's been taking up baking/cake decorating courses at George Brown college lately and she's getting pretty good at it; there's been an overload of pastries at home recently. But today she's taken it to a whole new level. She wants to open up her own bakery and decided that she needs to practice, and one way of practicing perfectly is to practice under the best conditions. 

Which is why she hired two Korean guys to come over today and instal not one, or two, but SIX florescent lights in the kitchen. It's bright as hell, and somewhat scary. I wonder how much electricity those things suck up. She wants to install another six though. No thanks. 

That is basically it. One good thing is that now I have perfect lighting conditions to photograph under. 

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Greed

You love someone and you're happy, but you know that it's not your true love, and you know your true love will make you even happier. So you look for someone else to love. That next person you find is not your true love either, but that person makes you happier than the person you've loved before. Eventually you ditch this person and love someone else. That someone else is even closer to your true love, but not entirely, and you're also happier with this person than the last two people you've loved. 


And the cycle goes on and on until you've found your true love, which might be never, but you persevere anyway, because you've become addicted to being happier.

Is it worth it then, to go through so many loves before finally being truly, forever, eternally, happy? Why can't you just be plain happy with someone you love. There are things you can't afford to be greedy about. 

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Sensitive Noodle bowl

Sensitive noodle bowl is sensitive. She cries easily, laughs easily, and gets stressed out easily - and when sensitive noodle bowl is stressed, she's really stressed. Her noodle bowl gets all pimply. 


Sensitive noodle bowl unfortunately has a boyfriend named un-sensitive noodle bowl. Un-sensitive noodle bowl is the exact opposite of sensitive noodle bowl, he's un-sensitive and often forgets about sensitive noodle bowl. Problem is, sensitive noodle bowl likes un-sensitive noodle bowl. A lot. There's nothing wrong with un-sensitive noodle bowl-and hey, as they say, opposites attract- he's kind and generous with noodle cash, but sometimes he when he forgets about sensitive noodle bowl she gets upset, and she starts to mope around, spilling broth everywhere. 

Sensitive noodle bowl doesn't understand when un-sensitive noodle bowl does this. She assumes that he's just being a guy. Or that he just needs space. Perhaps she has to clean up her noodle bowl a bit to make herself more attractive and less easily forgotten. 

But what sensitive noodle bowl doesn't realize is that un-sensitive noodle bowl will always be un-sensitive, especially to her feelings, because it's in his name. Just like how she'll never be un-sensitive, because her name is sensitive noodle bowl. 

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House of Hunger

Yesterday it took me five hours to start and finish reading House of Hunger. No idea how I managed to do that since it's a highly depressing book.


The narrator of the novel is skitzophrentic and laughs while he's getting flogged/watching others get flogged. Basically, he's a little bit out of it.

So that got me thinking. What if I'm a little bit out of it? And no one's bothered to tell me? Or what if I go crazy one day - what then? The only consolation I have is that being crazy might help me write some amazing book. If it can happen to Dambudzo Marechera then it might happen to me too. 

Then in that case, being crazy might not be so bad.

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Have you ever

Just cried for no reason at all

and halfway through you realize you're crying about everything
and that it was a long time coming

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Detox Tea

The other day I was on my break at work so I ventured off to T&T. As I was busily admiring all the lovely oily foods on display, I ran into a display tower of tea. I had been meaning to buy sleepy tea for some time now, so I went further into the tea isle and what I found was this:


Detox tea.

Detox tea is like, poison and gold all at once. I bought it because I've always wanted to do that detox thing where you do nothing but drink apple juice for like a week (or what was it you had to drink again?) and it will clear out your system. Since I like eating solid food, I figured I'd cheat this way. My stomach has not been this upset and pleased all at the same time, ever.

And the thing is, I only drank a cup. On the box it says to drink 2-4 cups a day. If it's making me feel this upset with one cup I don't think I want to try 2-4 cups a day. Maybe I would, if I was 6ft tall and 200 pounds. 

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Claustrophobic

There's books everywhere on my desk and I'm surrounded by it. I'm starting to feel claustrophobic. I should invest in an e-book tablet thing, it'll save me space.


I am mad. There's too many things to do. I don't understand why. I don't know how to unstress myself. I have a friend who's lucky enough that when she gets stressed, she just blanks out and forgets everything she's stressed about and focuses on other things. I wish I was like that. I end up playing everything over and over again in my head. 

Hmm, I should go on a road trip. A very, very long one with a lot of people. Or go on a very, very long trip back to Philippines and get immersed in the culture again and visit San Juan and look for Delsi. 

At work everyone is getting shuffled around. I like things the way they are now. Because I have to do so much school work when I'm at home, it feels like a mini vacation whenever I have to go to work. How depressing is that ...

And I don't know what I want to do for my birthday. I don't have the energy to think about it. I want something that involves people only because spending your birthday alone is depressing. 

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School sucks

Lately I have had a lot of work to do, like always. And it's easy to feel depressed when you have so much work to do. On top of that I also have a lot of stress. (Although come to think of it, if you break down the things in my life I really have nothing to be depressed about.) 


So anyway, it's depressing to be depressed all the time and it's not fun, which is why I've decided to force myself to be happy. I tried it today: I got up, my room was sunny and I told myself, "Ann, today you're going to be in a good mood!"

It worked, but my drive to stay in a good mood faded until I got to class around six. But coffee also helps. I'm going to try this whole good mood thing again tomorrow, it's just that I've decided that I've been in a bad mood for too many days in a row and I need to change my attitude.

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