- Deep breath, forgetting about my stupid, little brother now ... -

Today was very weird. I woke up really early in the morning to go to work when I heard my mom talking to my sister in her room. I decided to eavesdropped a bit. Lately, Annabelle has been looking for a summer position with a professor, and once she mentioned that her professor might get a grant and take a couple of students with her to Peru and conduct a research on ants (apparently these ants are fierce, they burn holes through trees.) So when I heard Annabelle telling my mom that she got a job, I assumed that it was the summer position in Peru with the ants.

So I went to work, and I was contemplating what the summer would be like without Annabelle the entire time. Naturally, I was extremely envious of her, but also, I knew that I'd miss her very much.

After my shift, Annabelle barged in my room and told me happily that she got a job.

Me: Yeah, I heard you guys this morning. How long is it for?

Annabelle: 15-17 weeks!

Me: WHAT THAT LONG?!? [I paused and thought of a way I could trump her trip to Peru.] That's it, I'm moving out while you're gone.

Annabelle: Why?! I'm only going to work.

Me: Yeah, in for 15-17 weeks! What am I going to do while you're gone?

Annabelle: Gone? I'm not going anywhere ... I got a job!

Me: In Peru.

Annabelle: What? Peru?! I got a job at Sick Kids, where did you get Peru from?

Me: Woops, I just assumed ...

Anyway, that's the end of that. She's not going to Peru, she just got a position at Sick Kids. Man, I jump into conclusions way too quickly.

Also, I've had a good reminder today that God doesn't have a cookie cutter plan for everyone. By this, I mean that he doesn't plan everyone's life the same way, everyone will have different experiences. We shouldn't demand an answer right away, we should ask for wisdom instead. It's like, you shouldn't flip a coin and say "Ok God, if it lands on heads, I will go to Peru in the summer. If it lands on tail, I will go to Germany," since that's borderline superstition. By asking for wisdom from Him, we will learn to make the right decision. An example of this would the Solomon, who received God's wisdom, and look at how he ended up: he was considered the wisest king.

I don't think anyone will be absolutely sure of God's specific individual will, but we should just continue asking for wisdom. This kind of reminds me of the quote:

"My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot."

I was also 'playing the guitar today' to relax a bit, since for some reason, I find singing and strumming really, really badly to myself relaxing.

- Oh yeah, I'm going to diverge a bit. Yesterday, I admitted that I wish I could sing. Singing is just one of those things that I truly cannot do, and I always wanted to be able to sing so that I could randomly burst into song whenever I want and not be made fun of because then I'd sound awesome. True story. -

Ok, so back to my point. I was 'playing the guitar' and singing really badly when I came across a song in this old song book that I use to sing a lot (complete with actions.) The song is this:

From my spirit, when I'm sensing a supply

Of God's speaking, from a fount that ne'er runs dry,

And within me comes a fresh and sweet supply,

Then I've got to open up and water you.

This just reminded me of what happened yesterday, when I had issues speaking up in a group (admittedly, this blog post is a kind of atonement for yesterday), basically, when you speak up and share about your own experiences, you end up supplying other people, and it's not just of yourself, but it's from God.

So things I need God's wisdom with:

1) Dealing with my brother

2) To deal with what others expect of me at lh.