Before leaving for Church this morning, I realized that my parents don't know where I stand on my faith at all. I've always kept my life hidden and a secret from them, but I've always thought they would at least know a little bit about my Christian life.
I was late getting ready for Church this morning (with all the hair drying and straightening I do everyday, it's a wonder I'm sometimes on time) when my dad was like "Is it so much to just be early for once, or so much to dedicate a whole hour for God once a week?!?"
In my head I was like, "What! I dedicate hours each week to God!"
Although I'm fine with being on both sides of the Church split, it's kind of complicated. I was sitting beside Jean's mom today in the meeting and I thought, "Why couldn't my parents be more understanding like Jean's mom?" It'd make things a little bit simpler. (Jean's parents are super nice and cheerful.)
Ok, so I guess my point is that I can't believe my dad doesn't think I think much of my own faith when it constitutes most of who I am and what I do and who I hang around with. Maybe, and this is a far fetched thought, I should actually talk to my parents and let them know what's going on in my life?
Me: Hey, so I go to Light House every Friday, you know, that college meeting from the other side of the Church that you oppose so much of ...
Parent: WHAT!? That's it, we're shipping you off to the training!!
(This happened once. One time Annabelle and I came home from Ignite, this youth conference they have every year, and my dad was so furious that he shipped Annabelle off to the summer training in California. I got out of it because I had to work.)
On second thought, maybe I shouldn't tell them. But this backfires because it prevents me from going to conferences like Empower and all those summer conferences.
My dad was also giving me a hard time for not spending time with my family during New Years Eve. In my defense, I'm never there to count down for New Years Eve, but apparently it's a big deal that I'm never there. My Aunt actually asked me where I was today after Church. I was like "What, you actually noticed I wasn't there?!?"
Speaking of family gatherings, my mom posted pictures of our Christmas gathering on facebook and added her own commentary like: "Ann Ann has had dimples since she was a baby."
I was like ... Dude, you don't have to point out the indents on my face, I'm sure people will notice that themselves. On a side note: Is it weird that I forget I have dimples? They're very shallow so I don't even consider them real dimples.
Anyway, I think I'm just babbling now. (This will make up for those weeks of not blogging. And just to be forewarned, this part might get a little confusing.)
Tonight I was thinking:
Am I part of the cure or am I part of the disease? (Yes these are lyrics)
What I mean to say is, when I say things and investigate and follow my intuition and tell other people what I'm thinking, am I helping and being a benefit, or am I just spreading a disease that will slowly kill and destroy? (Hannah, Ariel and Tabsteroo should know what I'm talking about.)
This is why I'm stubborn and don't tell people some things that I may have noticed from a while ago or recently, it's because I don't know if it's going to benefit anyone in the end. I think in the end we can't know for sure. What may seem like a disease to me may be beneficial to someone else, and vise versa.
I go from moments where I think my intuition is wrong and that it's actually the other way around instead of the way I think it should be, to moments where I think my intuition is dead on.
.... ok I'm trying to talk in code and I'm confusing myself.
It's actually 3:37 in the morning instead of 11 something like the time says. Even though I stay up until 4 most of the time my mental alertness dies after 2.
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I love this post so much!
First things first, in regards to your question about being a part of the disease, which I have been thinking a lot about myself as well, really depends on the person you are sharing your information with. For me, I USUALLY share information with people who I believe are mature enough not to contribute to the spreading of the "disease." At times though, I feel like I've made things worse by sharing... lol. These days, I feel like I've shared too much. LOL
DUDE, my parents are like that too! Yesterday, we had another Bible study together, and they asked me how a person is saved. I was like "are the really asking me this?" I think it's really hard sometimes to share with your parents what God is doing in your life, especially if they are critical about certain things, like your relationship with the church they split with, or my mom's fear for my safety. Let's talk about this again!
I also commented on your dimples... sorry. lol
Yeah I was having a conversation with Ariel and Tabi last night, I wanted to tell them everything but I don't think it'd help anything if I told them what I was thinking. I think I got both of them really frustrated, lol. I don't think you've ever shared too much!
Sharing your faith with your parents is the weirdest thing ever. I usually avoid these conversations.
Lol it's ok about your comment on my dimples! I really forget they're there so I'm not surprised ppl don't notice them. You only notice them in certain pictures because of the angle of the camera.
Hi Ann...2nd time in 12 hours!
Yes, frustrated, but not so much really, because I don't think it's going to matter in the long run. It's nice to know though..lol.
Hmm...cure or disease? I agree with Hannah...it really depends on the person you share with. If they're objective enough, it does help. It also depends on the subject of the observations.