Last night, I was recounting what happened during GST on Tuesday with Annabelle and she said, "is GST really even that necessary? Is there there a need for it?"
I got annoyed she said that because she assumed GST was some kind of women's support group when in reality, it's a bible study. Besides that, I've taken making GST work to heart.
This morning during commute, Annabelle said she was having lunch with Vivian, this new girl at LH, and because her comment from last night was still lingering in my mind, I thought out loud: "maybe instead of GST I should just have individual lunches with the girls, that way I'll make time for everyone."
But as soon as I said that I realized how dumb it sounded. I have time to spare but I don't have that much free time.
Anyway, thinking about this led me to a revelation. Now that I'm in fourth year, I have lost interest in making friends in my classes (and Annabelle kindly pointed out that it's sad that Elton is my only friend). To be honest, I used to care about meeting new people in my classes, and usually my friends and I coordinate our schedules together, but somehow, this year we failed to do so. Which was fine by me, because I figured I would just make new friends, but I just became too comfortable thinking to myself.
And then I realized that my lack of interest in socializing probably has to do with the fact that I feel too burdened by all the people I tell myself I have to care about. The reason I care so much about GST is because I think I have to care about all these new girls and the fact that I can't even attend LH on Fridays is a major barrier. In essence, I felt stuck.
But besides the girls at LH, I find myself constantly thinking about my students, my brothers, my aunt recovering from surgery, my grandparents, Amy Tang and how I really have to talk to her more, my relationship with Ariel and Tabitha, what Kirsten blogged about last - then when I realized that I didn't even ask Selina how she was feeling/doing after her car accident, I felt super guilty that I didn't care more to just even send a text. I also have a mental list of people I've made angry and have to perhaps make amends with: maybe John, maybe Ariel, maybe Hannah, maybe Colin, maybe Jennifer, maybe Jacob, maybe Eddie ...
Sometimes I tell my phone to just shut up. Stop blinking, I'll get to you when I want to.
So happy ending: Annabelle said, "you know, I'm only having lunch with just Vivian."
My reply: "who do you think I should have lunches with?"
And she says, "I don't know, just pick one person. You don't have to care about everyone."
Dude. Honestly, my sister is right. I just have to pick one person. So what if my heart can't expand that much or my thumbs text that fast? Plus I'm very awkward when I talk to people anyway. I just have to rely on God to do his thing.
Ok, this blog post is too exposing for my liking. Feel free to leave verses in the comments for me to read.
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Great post! Keep these coming!
Where's my verse?
Psa 118:10 All nations surrounded me; in the name of the LORD I cut them off!
You can use this verse next time when you use a knife and maybe it'll help you overcome you fear.
Hey. Can you read my post religion and happiness and answer the question at the end? Thank you!
"maybe Eddie"??... no amends needed, ur blog comments are more than enuff.
Phil 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
As you can see, I need to read the bible more often!
y u no talkin 2 me more? :(