I just remembered that earlier today my dad had asked me how to charge an itouch. I told him how to and asked him if it was his, he said no. I thought it could have been mine, or was mine, since I gave my itouch to Matt (I have to check if he still has it, he looses everything). Then I decided that it must be Aaron's. 

So it turns out that it's my dad's after all and that he lied to me. I don't know why he would need to do that. According to Annabelle, he had bought it for himself. The thing is, my dad NEVER buys anything for himself. Except books. And when I say NEVER I mean NEVER. He doesn't buy clothes, most of the time he gets cast offs/a relative would buy him stuff from Philippines. Actually, I think he still has his clothes that he use to wear in Philippines. He never buys a new car (cast off from my mom) and he never buys winter tires. (At one point last year, when it was snowing heavily, he almost got in an accident while Annabelle and I were in the car with him. Annabelle and I were actually thinking of buying him winter tires.)

And I admit that his cheapness frustrates me. It makes me feel bad because I am too stubborn to help him, I don't give him money and I don't buy new things for him, when I know I should, since he's my dad. Before I bought my macbook I had a Sony Viao which broke, he always asked me if he could have it and I always came up with some excuse not to give it to him. I know it's terrible of me to do that, but I do have an excuse for acting so crappy to my own dad: It's that, he already gets everything second hand. He doesn't need to get a second hand laptop from me too. If I do that, I am afraid I will loose all respect for him. 

And that is the terrible truth, and what it has come down too, more or less anyway. That I have begun to count respect for my dad with the material things that he owns. I'm pretty sure there are more deep psychological reasons to this, which I know has a lot to do with my mom, but more on that later. 

So my dad has bought himself a new gadget, an itouch. I wish he didn't have to lie to me. I wonder what he's going to use it for. Actually, I probably know what he's going to use it for.

My sister and I were talking today, I mentioned that when I have started my own career I will buy dad a new car, complete with winter tires. (compensation for my crappy attitude towards him) And she said that she'll give him enough money to start his own business. 

He use to have his own store and I remember helping him during the summer. It was terrible. The walls were painted in yellow and purple stripes, there was no AC, the food would rot, and I would pass the time wiping the table over and over again because that was the only thing I was willing to clean. And my dad would always say that it was "OUR STORE" the "FAMILY'S STORE" and I would get so pissed hearing that from him. I didn't want it, I'll help out if he bothers me enough, but I don't want it. He's not a business man, but he hates working for others. So between the car that I'm going to give him and my sisters gift, I think my gift would last longer. 

I also found out today that he lost his job again, I had thought he did, since he's home in the afternoons now but I never asked because I know he'd go on a rant again.  I really do feel bad for my dad, but it's just a cycle that goes on and on that I've gotten used to it. 

I've also gotten used to the fact that he has very bad luck. The worst thing that has ever happened to him was marrying my mom. Yeah, I know, if they didn't get married I wouldn't be here. (But if I'm not here I wouldn't know what i'd be loosing out on, so it really doesn't bother me that much to say this.) I have never met two people more unalike and incompatible for each other. If he hadn't married my mom, he would have found a nice sensible woman to settle down with instead. I talk to my grandma about this every now and then, we replay the story over and over again of how the met and the bad signs they missed. There are several versions to the story, I like the one where my dad never even wanted to get married except that his mom forced him too. 

So that is all. I will write about my mom next because she is a fascinating character study. She is 44 and has more energy than I do and never takes off her contact lenses.