How Not to Act Needy in a Relationship

Lately I feel like I've been saying sorry to a lot of people for ignoring them. One of these people being Mona.

Basically, I stopped talking to Mona for a while, which I thought was no big deal because we're just friends, and I really didn't think the world would stop if I suddenly didn't text her for one day. Well this one day turned into a week which turned into a month, and before I knew it, she had turned this entire thing into something much more of a big deal than it's suppose to be.

She told me the other day that she was hurt from the fact that I had ignored her, and that she didn't care for having many friends in the first place because she was content with the one friend she had.

DUDE, I felt so guilty. First of all, I didn't realize I was her only friend, which I guess I should have known because she never mentioned talking to anyone else other than the guys she was dating at the time. And secondly, if I knew that she was so emotionally dependent on me, then I wouldn't have put our friendship on hold so casually.

I guess, for her, the world did kind of stop when I didn't talk to her for that one day (this sounds extremely cheesy). I really don't know where to go from here. I feel like we're in this relationship where I'm the guy and she's the needy girlfriend and no matter how many times I say sorry she just keeps bringing up the problem in this 'relationship' again and again and won't accept my apology.

Then she keeps on making up plans, which actually, now that I think about it, sounds a lot like dates. She said she wanted to meet up next week, so I said ok. Then she realized that she hasn't fully forgiven me, so she cancels our 'date' next week. Then she said she wanted to go to Montreal during reading week to which I say "we'll see" and she goes "I didn't mention it for no reason!" Then decides she's mad at me again.

I'm a girl and I don't even understand her. I can totally sympathize with how guys must feel. It's like, the more she does these kinds of things, the less about her antics and feelings.

I think I'm suppose to learn a lesson from this: How not to act needy in a relationship.

@*#&*(@#H!!!

Ok, I will take deep breaths and go back to reading Hamlet.

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200th Post!

Hey Guys! This is my 200th blog post - whoooo. This is a record for me, I've never had 200 posts in one blog alone before. To celebrate, I'm going to recount the stupid thing I did today:

As you guys all know, I am half blind without my contacts/glasses, which isn't so bad because sometimes I like seeing the world blurry - ignorance is bliss. The other day, I had been wearing my contacts for more than 12 hours and my eyes were getting weary. I decided to take them off but since I didn't have contact lens solution with me, I just let them soak in water.

Today, when I decided to put them on, I grabbed the nearest bottle of solution and rinsed my contact lenses a bit before popping them on. Have you guys ever been in so much pain that you don't know what to do besides wail your arms around, hoping that useless motion would ease the pain? That's what happened. My eyes BURNED. I don't even know how I managed it, but I took the contact lens out and rinsed my eyes with water.

Then, I figured that the reason my contacts hurt so much when I put them on was because of the fact that I had let them soak in water, so I rinsed them again with the solution and popped them on again, only this time when my eyes burned I popped them out right away.

Annabelle works at an optometric clinic, so she's savvy with contact lenses. I asked her what water did to contact lenses, and she said that it didn't do much besides inadequately cleaning it, and asked why my right eye was blood shot. I told her the story and she laughed her head off at me.

Basically, the bottle of contact lens solution that I had been using had HYDROGEN PEROXIDE, some form of bleach and crazy contact lens solution germaphobes use because it cleans your contact lenses better than just regular contact lens solutions. You're suppose to leave your contact lens in the solution for at least six hours before using them again.

Hydrogen peroxide is no joke, my sister and I use to dye our hair with hydrogen peroxide because it bleached your hair a lighter shade. One time we used two bottles and Annabelle's hair turned orange. Knowing this, I became paranoid that I would go blind, but Annabelle assured me that I wouldn't loose sight in my right eye. Grrr, you better be right AB, you better be right ...

I had no choice but to wear glasses to work. By this point, my eye was so red it looked like I had been crying my eye out, I couldn't look anyone in the eye less they question me and I would be forced to recount this unpleasant story to them. Anyway, there's this guy at work who's good looking because he always wears a suit, and unfortunately he JUST HAD to be working today. Dear Lord, whyyy me, he's a manger and I work right beside the office so I kept on running into him and having avoid eye contact. He probably thinks I'm really weird now (which really isn't that far from the truth anyway).

Oh, and this guy is one of those guys who you think is good looking but is impassable. Do you guys know what I mean? It's like, just because I think he's good looking doesn't mean anything can ever happen due to various reasons. For me it's because he smokes a wayyy too much and drinks wayyy too much. The only admirable thing about him is that he works in retail. I highly respect people who work in retail because we are tough, and can handle a higher than normal amount of crap from people.

And speaking of guys who smoke, why is it that I always have bad luck with these type of guys? I always end up thinking guys who smoke as good looking before even finding out they're smokers. (Note: this is different from a crush, thinking someone is good looking does not mean you have a crush on them.)

Moving on:

So my aunt arrived from Vancouver yesterday. She comes once a year for a business conference to Toronto and stays with my Grandparents. We had a big clan gathering tonight, and the theme of tonight was Filipino food with a hint of Vietnamese food and cheesecake. I may have eaten too much once again.

My aunt is my mom's younger sister. She sounds and looks a bit like that girl from Boys Before Flowers, the Korean Drama, and is probably the nicest and most thoughtful person I know of. It's really weird, because her personality and my mom's personalities are complete opposites.

I was in the kitchen eating with her and my great aunt, who is only 40 something and is extremely funny, and we started talking about how my uncle, Joash, who is actually younger than me (the generations in my family is messed up) makes a lot of girls cry. Basically, Joash is ... er ... let's just say that he goes out with a lot of girls, and according to my great aunt, it's because "He's just friendly with everyone."

My great aunt and I were listing his past girlfriends when my aunt turns to me and says "Ann Ann how about your boyfriend?"

I blurt out, "I don't have a boyfriend!" a little too quickly, which registered as a lie to them.

"Ohh, don't lie to us! Everyone knows you have a boyfriend, the news has even reached the Philippines." My great aunt says.

Pause. What? My relatives in Philippines thinks I have a boyfriend?

"I think you're mistaking me for Annabelle." I say in defense.

"No, no, Annabelle is different, we know about her. We're talking about your boyfriend." My great aunt says.

I don't remember how I got out of this topic, I think I just blurted something about Joash's womanizing ways. This is actually kind of funny, I don't know where they got the idea that I even have a boyfriend. I think they might be talking about Leo (Hi Leo!) but I don't even know how they found out about that, unless a little unknown birdy told them.

This could either be an advantage or disadvantage to me:

Advantage: They won't try and set me up with some random fob from Philippines.

Disadvantage: They won't try and set me up with some random fob from Philippines.

This is hard. I've always wanted to marry someone from Philippines because I love Filipino food wayyy too much and this way I can actually understand what they're saying.

I just realized that I've talked wayyy too much about guys in this post. Woops. Maybe it's just because Valentines day is coming up and I've been thinking ways of how to anti-celebrate Valentines day this year. (I contemplated of making paper hearts, then tear them apart and then plaster their broken pieces all over the place as decoration.)

Anyway, happy 200th post for me! (Not whether this is a good thing or not.)

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Of Wisdom, Fire Ants in Peru and Singing Badly

Grr, from time to time my siblings and I would have a text out. I just recieved a text from Aaron, who's literally just downstairs, asking me to take care of the rabbit because apparently I don't care enough. I am very tempted in responding by saying "Well Aaron, I'd like to see you clean the bathroom for once." But I will be the bigger person and just ignore his text. Is it weird that my siblings and I can't confront each other face to face like we used to when we were kids? Maybe it's because they know I can beat them up. (Heh)

- Deep breath, forgetting about my stupid, little brother now ... -

Today was very weird. I woke up really early in the morning to go to work when I heard my mom talking to my sister in her room. I decided to eavesdropped a bit. Lately, Annabelle has been looking for a summer position with a professor, and once she mentioned that her professor might get a grant and take a couple of students with her to Peru and conduct a research on ants (apparently these ants are fierce, they burn holes through trees.) So when I heard Annabelle telling my mom that she got a job, I assumed that it was the summer position in Peru with the ants.

So I went to work, and I was contemplating what the summer would be like without Annabelle the entire time. Naturally, I was extremely envious of her, but also, I knew that I'd miss her very much.

After my shift, Annabelle barged in my room and told me happily that she got a job.

Me: Yeah, I heard you guys this morning. How long is it for?

Annabelle: 15-17 weeks!

Me: WHAT THAT LONG?!? [I paused and thought of a way I could trump her trip to Peru.] That's it, I'm moving out while you're gone.

Annabelle: Why?! I'm only going to work.

Me: Yeah, in for 15-17 weeks! What am I going to do while you're gone?

Annabelle: Gone? I'm not going anywhere ... I got a job!

Me: In Peru.

Annabelle: What? Peru?! I got a job at Sick Kids, where did you get Peru from?

Me: Woops, I just assumed ...

Anyway, that's the end of that. She's not going to Peru, she just got a position at Sick Kids. Man, I jump into conclusions way too quickly.

Also, I've had a good reminder today that God doesn't have a cookie cutter plan for everyone. By this, I mean that he doesn't plan everyone's life the same way, everyone will have different experiences. We shouldn't demand an answer right away, we should ask for wisdom instead. It's like, you shouldn't flip a coin and say "Ok God, if it lands on heads, I will go to Peru in the summer. If it lands on tail, I will go to Germany," since that's borderline superstition. By asking for wisdom from Him, we will learn to make the right decision. An example of this would the Solomon, who received God's wisdom, and look at how he ended up: he was considered the wisest king.

James 1:5

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

I don't think anyone will be absolutely sure of God's specific individual will, but we should just continue asking for wisdom. This kind of reminds me of the quote:

"My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot."

I was also 'playing the guitar today' to relax a bit, since for some reason, I find singing and strumming really, really badly to myself relaxing.

- Oh yeah, I'm going to diverge a bit. Yesterday, I admitted that I wish I could sing. Singing is just one of those things that I truly cannot do, and I always wanted to be able to sing so that I could randomly burst into song whenever I want and not be made fun of because then I'd sound awesome. True story. -

Ok, so back to my point. I was 'playing the guitar' and singing really badly when I came across a song in this old song book that I use to sing a lot (complete with actions.) The song is this:

From my spirit, when I'm sensing a supply

Of God's speaking, from a fount that ne'er runs dry,

And within me comes a fresh and sweet supply,

Then I've got to open up and water you.

This just reminded me of what happened yesterday, when I had issues speaking up in a group (admittedly, this blog post is a kind of atonement for yesterday), basically, when you speak up and share about your own experiences, you end up supplying other people, and it's not just of yourself, but it's from God.

So things I need God's wisdom with:

1) Dealing with my brother

2) To deal with what others expect of me at lh.

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Cupcake Pictures

Here are some cupcake pictures. I ate a bunch of them afterwards, they were too good to resist, plus they were freshly baked.

Cupcakes are fantastic, they make everyone happy, even when you're just staring at a picture of it. I know I have a lot of pictures of food but surprisingly enough, my pictures of food gets the fastest amount of views on flickr (the Jewish New Year's Honey Cake gets a lot of views). I think it just wets everyone's appetite.

We also made Cookies and Cream Cheesecake cupcakes for LH today, I didn't eat any but people have told me they were good.

Oh, and I don't know if you guys know this, but you can click on the pictures for a larger view.

The reason I don't mind putting up pictures on my blog and flickr is because only certain people know about it, and I want to share my pictures with those people ... which is why I'm very uncertain about sharing my pictures with a wider audience ... it just seems weird.

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The Tragedy of Julius Caesar

Usually, when I take the 105 bus home at night I run into someone I know from high school, most of the time it's either Mamta, Armin or Abdi (in the afternoon it's a different set of people).

Today, Annabelle and I ran into Abdi. He's a really interesting person, his sister, Safia and I were in same African Literature class last year. I'm not completely sure what he's studying at U of T, but there's a good chance that it's Political Science. (Safia is majoring in African studies, how cool is that?!? But I guess it's the same thing as me minoring in East Asian Studies.)

Abdi is extremely intellectual, he's very well informed on what seems like everything, which is really impressive and intimidating at times. You would have never guessed that he'd be so intellectual just by looking at him though, since his usual attire consists of baggy pants and long t-shirts (in the winter it's topped of with a big, intimidating black jacket). This just teaches you not to judge someone by how they look.

So we were on the bus, when Abdi brings up the fact that he recently saw Lion king 1 and 2. I asked why, and he said it was because he's a big fan of Shakespeare and Lion king 1 was based on Hamlet (this is new news to me). I guess I shouldn't have been, but I was very surprised to hear that he was a fan of Shakky.

I asked him what his favourite play was, and he answered, to my disappointment: Hamlet and Macbeth. There's nothing wrong with Hamlet and Macbeth, it's just that they're the type of plays that are very typical to read/watch on stage, I had expected Abdi to impress me by saying "All of the historical plays!" or "Psh, his plays are good, but his sonnets are better."

I then told him that lately, I've been leaning towards Julius Caesar just because Mark Antony was such an interesting character.

To which Abdi replies: "Not really, he's not that interesting."

WHAT. I didn't defend Mark Antony then and there because I didn't have my Shakky anthology handy with me, if I did I would have pulled it out in defense of good rhetoric. Our conversation then drifted away from Shakespeare, which means, I will have to defend Mark Antony here.

Ann's Shakky lesson #2: The Tragedy of Julius Caesar

Basically, before reading this play, the one famous line from it that I knew by heart was "Et tu, Brute?" which means, "And you, Brutus?"

Brutus and Caesar were friends, and when Julius Caesar saw Brutus conspiring against him and was one of his murders, he stopped defending himself. Et tu, Brute? were his last words, which to me just means the ultimate betrayal of friendship.

BUT apparently, if you guys really want to impress your friends, a more famous line in Julius Caesar (I was unaware of this) is, "Beware the ides of March."

It was a soothsayer (fortune teller) who told Caesar to be beware of the ides of March, which is basically the 15th of March, the day that Brutus would betray and help with his murder.

This is how it'll play out:

You: [in a creepy voice] Beware the ides of March!

Friend: Wth?

You: My dear uncultured friend, the ides of March is March 15, the day Julius Caesar was murdered by his senators, which includes his dear, dear friend, Brutus.

Friend: Not this Shakespeare crap again!

You: I'm just trying to bring a little culture into your life, I noticed that you've been reading a lot of Twilight lately.

Friend: That's it, no one insults my Edward. I'm unfriending you on facebook!

You: Et tu, Brute!

Oh right, and the reason I'm such a big fan of Mark Antony is because he thinks really quickly and is impulsive, he knows how to gain support and is not deceitful like Brutus. Plus, Antony is extremely rhetoric, which means he gets the best lines in the play.

This is what Antony says to Caesar's dead body:

O pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth,

that I am meek and gentle with these BUTCHERS.

He says a whole speech to Caesar's dead body, which includes images of mothers smiling when their infants are cut into pieces. Although he's very graphic, he knows the right words to say to get your attention and to get the meaning across.

Ok, this is the last point. If you guys are wondering, the toughest person in Julius Caesar is not Brutus or Antony, but Portia, Brutus' wife. She basically stabbed herself in her thigh to get his attention and dies by swallowing HOT COALS. Painful and insane? Yes.

Sorry this has been a long rant about Shakky. Time to diverge:

I've been thinking a lot about Jesus Awareness Week lately (it starts this Friday on campus) and I've been feeling bad that I'm not making myself involved somehow. After reading Ariel's blog post today (Hi Ariel!) I decided that starting Friday (er, make that Saturday) I will dedicate a week of my 365 pictures to Jesus Awareness Week.

I told Annabelle this, and these are the ideas she gave me to take a picture of:

-Trumpets (Where am I going to find this!)

-A leper (B/c they're so handy to find in the streets of Toronto)

-Sheep (Maybe sheep meat?)

-Water (Doable)

-Linen in a tomb (Cuz this is just in the backyard)

-Blood (Shall I cut myself?)

-Oil (Doable)

-5 fishes and a loaf of bred (Or was it five loafs and one fish? I can never remember)

Obviously, most of her ideas are not possible. What I was basically trying to get at were subtle images that would prompt you to think of Jesus. I'll have to think more about this tomorrow.

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Trivial Pursuit

These are Trivial Pursuit chips.

This is how I took the picture. I took it on the dining table because it's right beside the window, which means I would get the best lighting. That's a bottle of Mang Thomas in the background.

I had to paper clip the pages together.

This picture a day thing is turning out to be a very relaxing hobby, and it really doesn't take that long to do. Actually, it's just making me use my time more productively, i.e. instead of those wasted hours on fb stalking people, I take pictures instead. The last time I've checked the homepage on fb seems forever ago ...

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Apples

One time, a complete stranger commented and said that Annabelle and I were like a fruit cut in half because we looked so alike. I decided to take a picture of an apple cut in half, problem was that all the pictures looked awesome to me. I couldn't put them all up on flickr, so I decided to put them up here instead.

I used a lavender coloured paper from that designer paper pad I got from Michael's.