Tim said something the other week that I’ve been thinking about
(as it so happens whenever Tim says something). He said that all the older guys
at LH were now in relationships, a completely unprecedented event. It’s not
only within this circle of acquaintances that people are getting together left
and right though: My other acquaintances are either getting together, married,
engaged, or having tons of babies. Even my mom caught some the love bug (or
whatever type of virus this happens to be) when, this past fall, she mentioned
getting married to Pedro in order to keep him in Canada.
(I never did find out the conclusion to this. They could be
planning a secret wedding for all I know.)
There are many different tried and true ways when it comes to
relationships, but never one correct one. I’m momentarily going to channel my
inner sage by saying that there are too many different variations that need to
come to play when it comes to relationships, such as time, where people are at
in their lives, and the mood they are in.
I’m admittedly very two faced when it comes to this whole
relationship bug that’s bitten everyone. Depending on the couple, I'm very
happy and amused by it. But I can see how some people can look at this
situation as crazy because there is no assurance to momentary infatuation that
is often the beginning of relationships. Maybe the only assurance is time, or
better yet, a fancy engagement ring.
When my co-worker got engaged I practically broke the news to
everyone else at work, as if I myself had been the one to get engaged. Then we
giggled and laughed about everything to do with weddings, and our lunch times
would be filled with talks of banquet halls, wedding dresses, colours schemes,
and most importantly for today’s modern bride: Pinterest. I’ve practically
invited myself to her wedding. With my other co-workers who are in long term
relationships, there’s a lot of talk of “how you know he’s the one you’ll
marry” and try to guess when their boyfriends will propose.
The opposite of my being extremely happy about relationships is a
rather darker one. There are no giggles and laughter but bitter resentment that
often comes with the feeling of being slighted by someone. When I get into one
of my moodier thoughts, it’s hard to come out of the circle of reasoning I’ve
trapped myself in. A few years back I might have relied more on my ‘intuition’
to judge a couple’s longevity, now it’s a matter of an analysis of different
variations.
When it comes to my own relationship I’ve become very sensitive
when people comment or say anything, and what they say will haunt me in the
random, quiet moments when my mind drifts. I guess one of the reasons I’m so
sensitive is because I feel like there are some people rooting against us, or
that they’re wishing for our demise. I often translate what people say into the
negative, as if my actions have been offensive to them, or that my feelings are
stupid and wrong and should not be felt. It’s not just with their words that I
get offended by, it’s with their actions and the standoffish, avoidance look,
or with the lack of mirth.
Jeremy is the complete opposite of my feelings on this. He’s in
the innocent, which is why we end up spending so much time talking about what I
think about. I don’t mind analyzing these things because in the end, his logic
wins and rather than feeling silly and stupid, he makes me realize another
point of view to the situation.
But through it all, I don’t have that usual shred of doubt. And
even though I’m sensitive about other people’s comments and reactions, I’m
confident with this and very grateful for his companionship.
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