It wasn't until I sat down and started watching VSauce on youtube that I realized how tired I was. I love VSauce! He's an amazing brilliant mind, and for me to fall asleep in the middle of his video is an incredible insult to his intelligence.

Then I thought about it. Although I'm physically tired, what's actually sapping the life out of me are my emotions. If I could, I would live as a robot, happily doing my work without being bothered by emotions such as feeling sad, happy, crappy, and anxious.

So recently, I've been working 55-ish hours a week, ish because the amount of time I spend at ELC is uncountable. This, I am happy to say, was enough to impress Jay Park, the king of working overtime. I told him I was putting in at least 42 hours at Target, and at first he was sympathetic enough to say, "Wow that on top of this?" But then quickly retracted his statement a bit by saying, "When I was your age, I worked more."

Whatever Jay Park. I will take this as a mini-praise for the crap you put me through.

OK so, if I was a robot working this much every week wouldn't be a problem. I'd tell the kids at ELC to man up and do the work without feeling guilty of hurting their feelings, and I'd man up and tell the customers at Target to pick up after themselves in the nicest way possible.

Notice how in both cases I said man up, and that's because the answer to not feeling emotions is to be a man: Simple minds, simple pleasures. I'M HALF JOKING because it is a true and admirable fact that guys are able to turn their minds off and not think about anything.

Example: It's the same situation where my coworker the other day started tearing up and crying because of how overwhelmed she felt at work, while my male coworker who also felt overwhelmed controlled his emotions by shutting his brain off and ate a sub.

And although I'd love to just shut my brain off and emotionally eat, I developed this unproven theory that deep down, I actually like feeling emotional and that I like complaining about being emotional. It's a twisted sadist paradox that I can't get out of. On the one hand, I have all these swirling emotions and thoughts, and on the other hand I have the answer, but it's as if there's this oppositional magnetic pull that prevents my two hands working cooperatively together so that the solution never gets to the root of the problem.

Wow that is a congested paragraph.

Here are two types of sadist paradoxical emotions girls love to hate:

1) The Emotions that lead to Problems
This is the most menacing type of emotion because it is manipulative. Emotions have these tendency to linger in our heads, and the longer they linger the longer we end up analyzing it. One way to get rid of this lingering, manipulative emotion is to create a problem to replace the current emotion we feel. The result is that although we feel a different type of emotion it's actually just an emotion on top of an emotion with a problem.

Real life example: A girl who is angry at a guy. To get rid of her anger, she decides to release it so she will feel relieved. What ends up happening is that instead of feeling relieved, she feels miserable for lashing out on the guy. So the result is that she is angry and miserable and still has the problem of what to do with the situation. She may love to hate this situation because she does not see this as a problem caused by her, but a problem caused by the guy and therefore the guy's fault and should be fixed by the guy. In conclusion, all the emotions that she feels is the guys fault even if the guy didn't do anything but cause the initial emotion of anger.

2) Overwhelming emotions that leave you feeling overwhelmed
Self explanatory!

Real life example: A girl has many different suitors. She has tall dark and handsome suitor, she has lanky and geeky suitor, she has beautiful set of hair suitor, she has the tattoo covered bad boy suitor, and finally, she has a midget. She doesn't like any of these guys but is overwhelmed (and feeling fat) by the amount of flowers, text messages, facebook likes, dinners, and chocolates she is receiving from them. It's enough to overwhelm and exhaust her. Obviously, she loves to hate this problem because she is getting attention from many different guys.

I hope these make sense because they make sense in my head. It's like doing math, but instead of 2 + 2 = 4, it's 2 + 2 = 5.