Toilet Paper is highly jealous of the Book in the bathroom. The Book is supposed to be in the bedroom while Toilet Paper should be in the bathroom, happily wedged into the wall by the Toilet Paper Holder.

"Life is unfair!" Toilet Paper says with pure angst.

Toilet Paper blames his predicament on Tissue Paper, who's not doing his job properly so Toilet Paper has to pick up the slack. Just last week, Toilet Paper was used in the following ways: four plies to clean up the spill, two plies used to blow your nose with, one more to stick up your nose, and three plies to pick up the dead spider. Rumor has it that next week he's going to be used to for a Mummie Making Contest.

And what did Tissue Paper do?

"I'm only for when you actually need me," Tissue Paper explains, "like when people come over and need tissue and stuff. You can't expect them to use Toilet Paper do you?"

Inside, Toilet Paper is dying. He longs to be used for his intended purpose.

Toilet Paper has told a lie. In order to impress Cashmere Toilet Paper, Toilet Paper has let go of all modesty and lied saying, "Hey babe, I'm the most economic of any economic Toilet Paper there is. You see Plastic Bottle over there? One day he'll be reincarnated into someone as awesome as I am. Yes it's true, I'm 100% recycled: half water bottle, half old shoes."

"Half old shoes? Wouldn't it be more economic to give the old shoes to people who need them?" Cashmere Toilet Paper says dubiously.

"Any old thing can be a shoe, not everyone can be Toilet Paper," Toilet Paper explains.

Cashmere Toilet Paper scoffs him and rolls away. Toilet Paper is left by himself feeling stupid, wondering why he just said that.

Toilet Paper is troubled. He just finished watching a documentary on TLC about a woman who eats toilet paper and now he's afraid of the person he lives with. It's bad enough he's wasting away being used on things a toilet paper should never have to do, but now he's also afraid of someone eating him.

Toilet Paper quickly comes up with several defense tactics to avoid being eaten:

1) He will disguise himself as a pencil holder

2) He will pretend to be a lamp

3) He will clone himself and sacrifice his clone

"This way, no one will ever eat me," Toilet Paper says to himself. "I'm actually quite clever for a toilet paper!"

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Sorry for the randomness, but the truth is, I've been meaning to blog about toilet paper for a while now because I've always thought it was interesting how at home, we use toilet paper for everything (probably because we get it in bulk from Costco). Tonight, a moth flew in my room and I smacked it with a book. After using toilet paper to pick it up, I decided to blog about toilet paper.